My Coming Out Story, Every Story Is Unique

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Today marks the 35th year of National Coming Out Day, created by Jean O’Leary and Robert Eichberg. The day is in celebration of the LGBTQIA+ community whether someone’s out or not. It’s a day that means a lot to most people. It’s a day where everyone in the community is valid no matter what they identify as.

Coming out is something that people do on their own terms and on their own terms only. It’s an experience and a journey that sometimes never ends. Some feel the need to come out once. Some feel the need to come out multiple times. There are people who while they might be LGBTQIA+ never feel the need to come out and that’s okay.

If someone confides in you that they’re gay, trans, bisexual, lesbian, etc take it as them feeling comfortable enough to tell you. If you don’t know what a term means ask them but don’t make them feel like they have an obligation to tell you. They’re telling you for a reason. Also don’t, by any means out them. Outing someone is never okay. When you out someone you’re taking their freedom to do so on their own away from them. I could go on about a lot more but onto why I’m making this post.

My Coming Out Story

I decided wanted to share my coming out story or rather the few stories that I have. I don’t have to or need to but I want to. Everyone’s journey in coming out is different from the next and the same goes for my own.

I think I’ve always known that I wasn’t heterosexual in any way, shape, or form. However, I realized it when I was about seven years old. The first time I came out had been four days after my 17th birthday. I first came out on a fanfiction board called BBS Reloaded. On that day someone made a topic asking everyone how old everyone was when they found out that they were gay.

It was the first time I had said anything to anybody about it but the way I felt when it came to the community there, I felt comfortable. At the time I wasn’t fully sure what to consider myself as but you could say that I was bisexual considering the fact that I had a boyfriend at the time. Back then I didn’t know many words to describe attraction to other genders like I do today.

Coming Out To My Close Friends

Coming out wasn’t something that I thought much about doing after that. I didn’t feel like I needed to come out of should. And when it came to my family, the last thing I felt like at the time was coming out to them. For the most part, it was because of the homophobic comments they would make. Another reason was because I just didn’t feel the need to do so. Also, I didn’t know who I felt like I could trust with knowing and not telling anyone else.

In 2021 I came out to two people that I considered close and my best friends. I knew the two of them since back in my writing fanfiction days and over the years I felt a close bond with both of them. Coming out to them happened back in 2018 and truthfully it feels like it happened more recently than that. They take the fact that they appreciated that I wanted to tell and come out to them meant a lot to me.

Coming Out To My Family (At Least Some of Them)

Deciding to come out to my family was still something I didn’t know if I wanted to fully do. The first two people in my family I had come out to were two cousins of mine who I felt close to. I thought that they would take it some type of way but they didn’t. They had questions for me which I had no problem answering for them. I didn’t have any problem in doing so because I trusted that they genuinely wanted to know.

The story after that is actually a bit of a funny story. It was last year and one of my best friends was in Atlanta so we could attend the JoJo concert together. While we were at the concert, I had a sudden burst of energy in wanting to text my sisters that I’m not straight and I don’t fully know what I am but it could be bisexual, pansexual, or graysexual. I can’t tell you exactly what I said. What I do remember is how they responded. They told me that they still love me, accept me, and some other things. It meant a lot to me that I couldn’t help but cry a bit while enjoying what was going on at the concert at the same time.

The fact that they were accepting of me and said they still love me made me feel like telling my dad wouldn’t be such a bad thing. At least at the time, I hoped that it wouldn’t go bad. And luckily it didn’t. I texted him about my sexuality and he mentioned how he knows that he once said some homophobic things that he accepts and loves me for who I am. It meant a lot to me that he of all people accepted me for who I am.

We’re Valid No Matter What

Currently, I identify as a bi-pan-graysexual woman but who knows that might end up changing and if I decide to change them that’s okay and valid. Let it be that how you identify is up to you. You can choose to label your orientation(s) or you can choose not to label it.

If you’re thinking about coming out, do it on your own terms and when you feel like you’re ready to. You don’t have to come out to everyone in your life and you don’t have to come out to everyone in your life at all first. Some people come out through text, social media, face-to-face, writing a letter, etc. How you want to come is valid. And if you don’t want to come out, that’s more than okay. You don’t have to come out. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you need to when you don’t. Not coming out doesn’t mean you’re not valid today like those who are out. Not coming out doesn’t mean that you’re hiding who you are or that you’re ashamed of who you are.

Resources

Below are a few resources that you can read up on that pertain to National Coming Out Day.

Human Rights Campaign Foundation

The Coming Out Handbook by The Trevor Project

Info & Resources about National Coming Out Day

Why National Coming Out Day Matters